In May 1998, I left my last full-time office job. I had worked for a large nonprofit and found that it was killing my creativity and sense of self. So my then-husband and I agreed that with the summer approaching and $800/month childcare bills on the horizon, now was as good a time as any to quit and try to start a business of my own.
But here's the thing. A few months after I quit, I started working with a guy who had his own business. He called me out of the blue and asked if I'd be willing to subcontract to him on some work he had going on. We ended up working together for the next four years. He made me a "partner," but it was always his business. Always. And I made him a ton of money.
Ultimately we parted ways and for a few months, I was on my own again. But just as before, I got a call out of the blue, another small business owner who wanted me to do subcontracting work for her. Which I did, ultimately becoming an employee a few years later. Just like before, I gave my energy and heart to make money for someone else's business, until this past summer I made the decision to leave and go it alone. I still do work for her, but I'm also trying to do work for other clients as well.
I started thinking about all of this after reading Pam's post on overcoming your fears in order to be successful as a small business owner. She writes:
Many wannabe entrepreneurs stay perpetually on the sidelines
not because they don't have a good business idea or business plan or
opportunity, but because they are deathly afraid of stepping into the
spotlight.
And there you have it--the truth about the last 9 years of my life. I keep hiding behind other people, making their businesses successful, because I'm afraid to come out and try to make it on my own. I have every fear on Pam's list:
- Fear of appearing ridiculous since you have no idea what you are doing and it will become evident as soon as you approach your first client or investor.
- Fear of losing your shirt and forcing your family to live on the street because your business failure is so extreme (also known as fear of poverty).
- Fear of appearing arrogant (Who do you think you
are, and what gives you the right to call yourself an expert when
Joe/Jane/Simone is so much more qualified/better looking/experienced
than you are?)
- Fear of being found out when clients and customers
suddenly come to the sober realization that you are ignorant,
inexperienced and talentless, and besides that, in 5th grade you
returned 4 books to the library late and never paid the fees.
And no matter how many times I acknowledge to myself that I have these fears and vow to overcome them, slowly, surely, they creep back into my heart to set up shop and I find myself back where I started.
Pam also points out the many ways we avoid taking center stage. I had to laugh when she wrote about her "Wizard of Oz" syndrome, working for "one more expert" as the power behind the throne. Been there, done that, really want to shred the t-shirt. But it's hard to do that--I find that I'm much better at giving advice to others, analyzing their businesses and telling them what they should do to build themselves, than I am at taking that advice myself. It's a struggle to come into the light and I'm working on it every day.
What about you? How do you stay on the sidelines? And what do you need to do to come out of the wings and take center stage?
Michele
Photo via earco.
I found a magazine I love. It talks about women getting what the want. Their tag line is, "a beautiful career, a beautiful life." Isn't that what a Second Life is all about? The magazine is PINK. It's smart, it's timely and it doesn't talk down to women. In describing themselves, they write,