Last Tuesday we started talking about finding the intersections between your Purpose, your Talents and Your Passions. Today I want to share with you some thoughts on how you can begin to discover your passions.
First, Remember That This is a Journey of Discovery
Many women I know are control freaks and perfectionists. I happen to be both of
these things so I know whereof I speak.
One thing I know about we controlling perfectionists is that we want to always know what's around the bend, the one "right answer," the thing we can do to perfectly control the outcomes of our lives. But this is something you're just going to have to give up on your road to discovering who you are.
The truth is, many of us have learned to hide both our passions and our talents. For many complex personal and cultural reasons, it's been safer for many of us to pursue a path of what's "acceptable" rather than a path toward what we really want.
When we get into this headspace of wanting to control things, that's when we miss what we've hidden. We think we already know the answers and so we don't particularly want to be open to some of the questions. So I'm going to ask you to start by letting go of all preconceived ideas about yourself, all of the "shoulds" and "oughts"--all of that crap. I'm going to ask you to be an explorer in your own life and to be willing to be open to what may turn out to be some very surprising information about yourself. If you can't promise that, then you're not ready to begin the trip.
Exploring Your Passions
Kathy Ryndak and Gord Ridell write in the December issue of Vitality Magazine about some great strategies for living with passion. In addition to exploring your childhood dreams (as I mentioned yesterday), they also suggest creating a stream of consciousness list of all the things that get you excited, letting your imagination run wild and not stopping to edit yourself. Then go through your list and see how these things really make you feel.
I'm going to take things one step further, though. When you start to (inevitably) hear that critical voice tell you that you're crazy for thinking that you could live a particular passion, then you need to put a star next to those items. The louder that voice gets, the more stars you should put there. Let me tell you why.
In The Power of Flow (a book I'm currently re-reading and highly recommend) the authors point out that the purpose of our internal critic is to keep us safe. But the problem is that safe doesn't lead to passion. If you think about it, the times when you've felt most alive, most in touch with yourself were probably those times that had at least a tinge of risk to them.
In my experience, the more my brain shouts "You can't DO that," the closer I am to something I really want to do. Unless you're REALLY in touch with yourself (and most people aren't), then that loud voice shouting in your ear is actually pointing you in the direction of what may be your career salvation. So do the opposite of what it says. Listen to your heart, not your head.
Identify Your Passions' Building Blocks
To really get to the heart of your passions, I would suggest following Curt Rosengren's advice to find your passions' "building blocks. As you develop your list of passions, ask yourself "why?" What is it about that passion or idea that gets you excited?
For example, if you think "I'd love working with inner city young people" then think about what it is that excites you about that idea. Is it about helping young people reach their potential? Is there some particular thing you'd like to do with them like teach them photography or mentor them? The more you explore the reasons why an idea or passion is attractive to you, the more you will discover about yourself. This information will then help you broaden your horizons beyond some of your more immediate ideas. You'll gain greater in-depth knowledge of yourself that can offer additional insights you might miss on your first round through.
Get All Artistic With Yourself
An exercise that I've found works very well with most people is the "passion collage."
Your passions are very emotional, visceral pieces of you. Sometimes language can get in the way of tapping into that information, so you need to turn to pictures to bypass that part of your brain that simply can't put things into words. Even if you're someone who uses words frequently and well, I still suggest going through this exercise because it taps into the right side of your brain much more effectively than writing does. And it's in the right side of your brain that you'll find what gets you really excited. So here's what you do:
Gather several different magazines that have a lot of pictures related to the kinds of things that interest you. Find a quiet place to think and start going through them. (You might want to add some music to the mix--this can be helpful in getting you out of your left-brain, logical thinking side and help you tap into your right-brain feeling side)
Go through the magazines absorbing what you see. Look at pictures and phrases. Every time you see something that "speaks" to you, pull out that page and set it aside. Don't think a lot. Don't say "Now why do I like that?" or "Should I really add that to my pile?" If it attracts you in some way, pull it out and set it aside.
Once you've created a nice little pile for yourself, get yourself a glue stick and a large piece of reasonably sturdy paper or cardboard. If you're using an artist's sketchbook as your journal, you may want to paste things directly into your journal. If not, get yourself some sturdy surface to use for your collage.
Now go back through everything you've pulled out. Start cutting out pictures and words that capture what excites you. Try to put as little thought into this process as possible, please. We're trying to bypass your internal critic and the more time you give him/her to speak, the more likely you are to end up with something that's not really "you."
Again, without a lot of thought, start gluing images down on your paper. Let your brain be as free as possible and just give in to the flow of the imagery you're creating. Avoid judging. Avoid looking too closely at what you're doing and just create.
When you've completed the process, sit back and look at what you've created. What pictures and words have you used? How have you put them together? Are certain types of pictures clustered together? What does that mean? What kind of feeling do you get from the overall collage? Is there some larger theme or message that you see there?
Give yourself some time to process this. Then write down your immediate reactions in your journal. What did you discover about yourself? How does it make you feel? Did you see things that surprised you? Scared you a little? Made your brain say "You're KIDDING, right?" Note where you had particularly strong positive and negative reactions--this is all grist for your "passion mill."
You may want to return to your collage later and see if you find anything new. If you have positive, supportive people in your life, you may want to ask them what they see in it that could offer you insight (only do this if you know they are positive, though!). Use the work to get you into some parts of yourself that are beyond words. It will make a difference.
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These are just a few exercises to start tapping into your passions. Another piece of the process is understanding your values--what are the things that are most important to you. These are a "subset" of your passions, similar, but really getting at the ways that you want to live your life. Finding work that's in concert with your values is critical so we're going to spend some time tomorrow looking at how to identify your values in greater depth.
Michele