Second Life

Where I've Been

Sorry about not posting. I have been in the midst of a deep self-review and growth. It takes all my energy to interact with people at work and I just couldn't write. I think this is passing now, but anyway, I felt I owed an explanation. Actually, I've been very pleased with the process I've been through. Someone once told me that the universe will put all the right people into your path when you are ready to learn from them. That has happened to me, and in no small way these people have come into my life because of this blog. So I feel bad about not posting, I explain it this way: In every conversation, you pause for reaction, feedback, or interaction. I've been in the midst of contemplating the interactions. I haven't been able to write until I digested the information I've gotten.

I wonder if I would have gained as much from these people and experiences I have had over the past two months if they had happened earlier in my life? I know the answer is probably no. I do wish however, that I could have managed all this "growth" twenty years ago in my thirties, but there were no blogs! Oh, well. I'm glad it happened before I died. The funny thing is I feel younger than I have in a long time...kinda like I did in my best part of my thirties (my favorite decade, can you tell?). I think I look younger, but that's because I smile a lot. Some of the outcomes:

• The growth in my personal life, which I'll call a better comfort with myself, has (I think) made me more confident at work. I react differently to people and they are reacting differently to me. It wasn't sudden; it was gradual. I love the new relationships, which has made work a much more happy place for me. This has been happening since last August and starting this blog. Surprise? Not really. Most surveys show that people value their relationships and how they are treated at work over their salary.
• I am dealing with all of my problems in a much better way. I never fell apart or anything, I just worried all the time about something. Now, I refuse to let them take my joy. (Believe me, I still worry, but I'm much better at turning it off. It's amazing how much of our world we control from inside our own heads.
• Accept the lessons you learn from people and accept that people will come and go in your life. That has happened with Michele. She has moved on and I wish her well.

Jann

Sorry, I've been busy

Sorry I haven't done a lot of posts. I've had to write a major document at work and it's taken all my creative juices. Hope to be back this weekend.

Jann

Finding Your Tribe

This is the last post in this series.

I've been writing about finding your passions and your talents. But I've realized that I'm missing a critically important piece of the puzzle that I've come to believe is necessary for you to make the changes you want and need. That piece is finding your tribe, your community of like-minded people who "get" what you're trying to do with your life and are along for the journey.

One of the most powerful of human needs is the need to belong. We feel we belong when we're accepted and appreciated for who we are. When others see and understand who we are deep down. When we feel like we're flowing with the tide of the people around us, rather than against it. Even for the more introverted among us (and I count myself in that number), there's still a strong need to be a part of a group that can feed the deepest parts of ourselves.

I've worked with both individuals and groups who are going through career changes and I will tell you that it's always better with a group. As an individual, yes you need time for thinking and reflection and not everything should be done as a group exercise, but I've found that more people have gained more insight through the process of interacting with others than they have by going it alone. It's why I prefer to do career counseling with a group if at all possible. Everyone wins.

The other thing I've found is that you often cannot rely on the "usual suspects" to help you in this process. Thinking in a profound way about what you want to do with your work life is akin to getting a divorce or finding out you have a serious illness. You begin re-thinking the very foundations of who you are and the only other people who "get that" are people who are going through it themselves. And many times, the people you usually count on have their own issues and fears about the changes your considering. Your partner may worry about what this will do to your financial situation. Your mother may want to keep bragging to her friends about "her daughter the doctor." Or your best friend from work may be worried that your friendship will end if you make a change.

So as critical to finding your passions, your talents and your purpose, I think, is finding a tribe who can support you in your journey. You can share your thoughts here--we're happy to be your tribe. Or you can seek out like-minded people where you live. Wherever you look, be sure that you find them. The path will be much easier if you're not on it alone.

Michele

Recharge Yourself with Silence and Indulgence

I have learned to love silence. I try to set up one day of the weekend that I don't talk to people, I don't turn on the TV, radio, or music. I can go out into crowds as long as I am not interacting. It's like being invisible. I used to hate it; now I love it. I have found that I work much better the following week if I allow quiet to rule one day of the weekend.

Recently, a good friend took a Jesuit Weekend Retreat of silence. She has done this for years and finds great grounding in them. There is someone to facilitate, with a few group meeting and exercises to follow, but you don't have to do anything. The woman leading the retreat says that it is better to follow your own inclination, to get the best benefit from the silence. The retreat reminded my friend how much noise bombards us everyday. I agree.

I think I naturally fell into my day of silence after nearly working myself to exhaustion. I finally learned at 50+ that there will always be things to do but time for quiet is rare. Cherish it. Many more disciplined minds than mine would probably mediate. I'm not very good at that in a traditional sense. For me, honoring the silence, or more aptly indulging myself, is like bathing in a hot bath you don't want to leave.

First: I don't plan anything. I spontaneously live the day.

Second: Nothing is out of bounds: I can sit, I can go to the movies (breaking silence, but still indulging myself). I find that as I get better at silence, I don't need or seek a diversion like a movie, but anything I want to do is what I will do.

Third: I move slowly. This is one of my favorite discoveries. As I live such a fast paced life, I love the luxury of slow, methodical movement.

Fourth: There is no waste in doing nothing. I think as biological creatures, we are getting sicker because we allow ourselves no down time, no wasting of time. If we take a vacation, we think we must go and do, do, do. We will cross the world for the luxury of laying in a hammock. Live now. Do nothing for a while.

Five: I let my mind wander and indulge any topic. It is my sort of meditation. I visualize opening a gate and letting my thoughts run free.

I find myself smiling a lot on my free zone/silence days. I seem more adjusted at work the following week, pressure bothers me less because I have finally learned the lesson of balance.

Go someplace and just spend a little time with you.

Jann

Talents + Passion = ??

I know, I know. By now you're begging for mercy. We're almost there. I promise. Just a few more posts to go and you'll have everything all figured out. Alright, I lied. You'll have SOME things figured out anyway.

Find Your Zen Place
If you've been doing as I've suggested, by now you should have reams of paper on your passions and your talents. What to do with it all? It's time to go to your "Zen Place" and write your career manifesto. It will become your blueprint and your path to finding your purpose.

Where, you may ask, is your "Zen Place?" I don't know. It might be at Starbucks in the middle of the afternoon. It could be in your family room or living room late on a Wednesday night when everyone's asleep. Or it may be in the early morning light of your kitchen with a cup of coffee and the cat purring loudly next to you. Wherever it is, it's the place were you are able to think calmly and clearly with no interruptions and as little negativity as possible.

Strangle The Little Men in Your Head
By now you're thinking that I'm insane, but I promise that I'm not. Your next step is to get rid of all of the critical voices in your head that may have taken up residence there. In fact, because you've been doing so much thinking about what you really want, those voices may be louder than ever, hounding you to just stay in your old life because it's so much SAFER there.

For this part to work, though, you have to get these guys to shut up while you're in your Zen Place. It may take a glass of wine or two (that always works for me) or it may mean meditation or music or a blow to the head. I don't care. You need to get them to shut up and let you THINK for an hour. Don't move on until they're willing to cooperate.

It's Manifesto Time
OK, so you're feeling all Zen. And the "voices" are quiet for now. It's time for your manifesto. Here's what I want you to do:

1. Pull out your journal and everything else that you've managed to accumulate during the course of the previous exercises and read through everything you've got. Keep an open mind as you go through this first time. Just let it all wash over you.
2. After the first time through, go back again for a more careful review. Write down key words, themes, etc. that jump out at you. What are the patterns that you see? How do you see your passions and your talents intersecting? How aligned is your current life with the picture that's emerging? What does that tell you about yourself and where you want to go? Really be honest and pay attention here. It's important.
3. Now I want you to write your career manifesto. What's a manifesto? It's a "public declaration of intentions and principles." In other words, it's a series of key statements about what you will be seeking in your career and your life. Each statement is positive and in the present tense. You will say things like "My work is utilizing my key talent in seeing the big picture. It provides me with the opportunity to look for patterns and ideas and to write about what I see."
4. I'm not into "shoulds," but I'm going to tell you that for the best effect, you want your manifesto to have enough statements and detail to capture the most important information you've uncovered about yourself. You want it to be an inspiration to you and to give you what you need to discover your purpose and how you can use your talents and passions for the most impact. For some people, that means you'll be writing 20 statements. Other people may be able to get it together in 5. It's up to you, but don't short-change yourself here. It's a manifesto. It's who you are so don't make it less than the full enchilada.

Now Put it Away for a Week and Let it Marinate Some More
That's right. You heard me. Put it away and don't look at it for at least 7 days. At the end of that week, read your manifesto again. Does it make your heart sing? Does it get you excited and thinking about possibilities? If so, then it's perfect and you're ready to move on. If not, then you may need to do some more work on it. Don't rush it. Don't worry about it. These things come in their time. Forcing it isn't going to make it happen any faster, I can assure you from long, hard experience.

A Caveat About the Voices Though
You didn't really think that you could get away without me bringing up those voices again, did you?

One thing I need you to keep in mind when you're reading your manifesto again is this. Sometimes you'll go back and look at what you've written and you won't feel excited anymore. You'll think "Well, I'm not nearly as excited as I was last week. It must be because my manifesto hasn't quite captured it for me." That may be true. Or it may mean that the voices have talked you out of thinking that you can actually achieve your career dreams. They may have begun the steady drumbeat of negativity that talks you right back into that job you know you hate, but at least it's a job. Don't let them do this. They are not your friends.

When you're reviewing your manifesto, I want you to read it with the complete confidence that you will get what you want. Don't worry about how or when. For now, just read it with the optimism of a child and see how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel good, then you're on the right track. If it doesn't, THEN consider doing more work on it.

After the Manifesto
So with your career manifesto in hand, it's time to congratulate yourself. Have a glass of wine or something chocolate or whatever you do to celebrate your victories. You've earned it. You may also want to check out some other manifestos. Only a few are related to career(read Pam's on "Accountability Breeds Passion and Desire" for some inspiration. The rest are just interesting and fun to read.

Next time, it's back to work. In the next post, we'll see how you can discover your purpose.

Michele

Second Lives Now through Avatars

This is a post I've been thinking about for a while. Lately, I've heard several furturist describing how humanity will change in the future. Now this is a big subject so let's narrow a little: specifically how technology will change humans.

Two themes are interesting to me. First, we're going to be cyborgs. OK, are you visualizing the TERMINATOR? Me too. I am going to stick with changes to the brain because across the medical spectrum there have been huge changes. But let's talk about brain implants. This has already a reality in medicine. An example is the cochlear hearing implants which allow the deaf to hear via an implant in the brain. Once the device is implanted, it is updated by external software changes. So once you've got a model, everything else is improvement. The field of medicine is so wide open, it may very well change our lives in the next twenty years- especially those baby-boomers who can afford it. I say that because I think much of this will be very expensive for a while.

On the subject of future brain changes. Most futurists have agreed we will continue to interact with our computers to the point that we will hardwire to them. You will have implants that allow your thoughts to interact with your computer. Wow, more ways for them to contact me from work. Great.

Beyond this, they are talking about computational and analytical ability being accessed through implants. No longer will people have to struggle through calculus, they'll just implant it. This made me think about the future workforce because that is my professional area. Think about a workforce where you just change your programming.

The second theme is virtual lives through Avatars. These are already happening. One  of the most well know is called Second Life.  A little side trip. When the name for this site was chosen, we had no knowledge of this virtual site. My lawyers had me write this. It is an Internet-based virtual world. You create an Avatar and you can do any kind of interaction there. You interact with others in this Second Life using your Avatar. Speaking of that, you can create yourself to look like yourself or be anything you want. Some organizations have held meetings in Second Life, people buy virtual real estate (no really, with real hard-earned cash, ok, I don't know about the hard earned). Damn, I wish I'd thought of that. How would you likt to buy some vitural swamp land in Florida? A friend of mine who works for a large software company in California know a woman who has done extremely well as a clothes designer for Avatars. Well really, do you want to walk around a virtual reality in what your wearing? I didn't think so. You have to buy her designs. I've been told that virtual sex is the biggest thing going right now in Second Life. But that my be changing. A recent speaker at my friend's software company discussed contract negotiation by avatars. You program your avatar to react to signals from another avatar to make your Avatar a tough negotiator. It just seems to me that your "opponent" will do the same thing. The point was you can become anything you want and that we will live parts of our lives virtually. Many of the futurists I listen to say that we will all have Avatars; they will be a common as personal computers, cell phones, etc. They will be a communication and life tool.

I have to go and build a really cute Avatar, get her some designer clothes, and start living the good life-virtually.

Jann