In the last week I had to do something I hated. I gave up something I love very much. I had to give it up because if was no longer making me happy; it was actually making me stressed and sad. At this point in my life I can see more clearly than when I was younger that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.
When I was younger, I would have wanted everything to last forever, but I've finally learned that two rules apply to life that shoot down hanging on to something that makes you sad:
- All things involving other humans will change because that is the nature of being human
- You have a choice in all matters of your life
There really is great beauty in this if you can accept it. (By the way, this is the CORE of all those self-help books-see I saved you money) If it, whatever that is, involves other human beings, it will by nature evolve. I think that's what has always amazed me about marriage. I was married 8 years and I told myself a lot a lies about why it didn't work. I tell myself, that I knew it was wrong the night I got married, etc. But the truth is I evolved out of the relationship. As much as I loved him at one time, what I needed wasn't in the relationship after 8 years.
I think marriages that make it are of two types. The first type has two people fighting to evolve together and understand sometimes they will evolve away from each other and sometimes, together-but they put some serious time into together. The other marriages are people who are essentially room-mates. Sharing the same space, working toward mutual goals, but married like they were- No. You can bemoan it, but it's better to understand it. Every other relationship works on the same principal.
So this week, I gave up participating with another group of people that I had really come to care about. That's funny to say because I never met these people; I only corresponded with them on a blog. But the blog began changing and I didn't change with it. I didn't leave all at once; I tried to accept the change; then I tried to write more to keep the blog at the place I loved so much, but in the end it changed in direction-it evolved. (which is actually a good thing). I accepted that and felt better. I realized that I had a choice here, too. To continue to participate or remember it as it was when I got so much out of it and knowing them. I chose the latter.That choice meant that I had to emotionally get off the train we were sharing. So, I got my bags, got off at the next stop, and waved good-bye to something I loved, and to people I learned to like. I will check in occasionally, to see what's going but my emotional bond has changed. Now, I can be happy for their continuing journey; I just reached my stop. I will always remember them and my involvement with them in a good way. I am happier since I did this because I made a choice about me instead of trying to control others or being angry about where they were going.
I realize that some choices are much bigger than this and I am not advocating chucking relationships at the first sign of trouble. I am saying that everything in life is a choice. It doesn't always feel that way, but it is. As I enter my Second Life, I find real power in knowing I have choice. This year of my life has had a lot of change that I haven't liked, but I do have choices. Knowing that (which I don't always remember) empowers me. It reminds me that I am ultimately choosing what my life is about.
I hope your choices are making you happy.
Jann
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