Are You a PermaParent?

Although a few years old, this article from Psychology Today on the "PermaParent Trap" still seems pretty timely to me. 

Apparently Baby Boomers are more likely than previous generations to welcome back their offspring with open arms, even well into their 30's and with spouses and children. According to the article,  adult children returning to the nest extracts a toll:

"Permaparents suffer potential financial and emotional repercussions. The empty-nest years are a crucial time for adults to bone up for retirement, rather than pay off their child's credit cards or feed another mouth. Keeping the kids also prevents couples from reconfiguring their lives in a post-parenting marriage, when, historically, many marriages break up. When marriages do end in divorce, or when one spouse dies, parents may be especially inclined to reconnect with their adult kids. . .

. . . many psychologists believe the post-parenting period is one in which people have the opportunity to reconfigure their identities—to relocate, downshift or change a career, become more involved in the community, take continuing education courses or learn new creative skills."

I think there's a lot of truth to this and wonder what we can do to find the balance between being loving, supportive parents and letting go so that we and our children can move on with our lives. It seems that we should be looking at our Second Life as an opportunity for our own growth rather than as a continuation of our First Life.

Michele

UPDATE--Saw this more recent article in an Atlantic City paper on how many parents see the empty nest as a reason to celebrate.

Comments

[Imperfectly]

My mom is a permaparent! She is going crazy though because my sister and I are both getting to the point where we've had enough. She has 3 healthy and happy children. She doesn't recognize that she raised us well and although she doesn't consistently agree with our choices she can't bully us into changes just to please her.