Second Life: Denise: Achieving Her Window of Choice

For a while now, I've wanted to start sharing the stories of women who have achieved their Second Life. Today, I am sharing Denise's story with you as one of those women. I found her wonderfully entertaining and generous. Here are her guide posts to us.

DENISE

Setting the Stage

Last Tuesday, I waited at a local Macaroni Grill to meet Denise. I was taking off work and she was taking time from her business to talk to me. Frankly, I felt a little guilty about taking her time. Why is it that when strangers give of themselves, we can are recognize and be grateful for their gift of time but we take it for granted from friends and family? As I waited for Denise I made a mental note to be more grateful for the time of those I loved.

Denise walked in and it felt like we already knew each other. That was helped in part by our mutual friend but also because Denise is just so enjoyable. She instantly put me to ease and our lunch together lasted over two hours!

During the week, I had decided to turn this lunch into an interview if Denise agreed. I know that most of you are trying to discover your Second Life, and Denise’s insight would be as helpful to you as I hoped it would be for me. While my journey of this last year has brought me to a new found personal happiness and confidence, my professional journey is still not matching my inner dreams and I was hear hoping that Denise would shine a light on that murky path, you know, the one in which our passions are in line with our career. Denise did not disappoint. When I asked if I could make this conversation a post on this blog, she said of course.

The Early Years

We ordered and then Denise gracefully began telling me her life story. Our mutual friend had told me to be sure and ask Denise why she had a British accent. Our friend was probably trying to give me an ice-breaker but it turned out we didn’t need one. However, the question was the perfect crux for Denise’s story. Denise was born in England and her parents brought her to the US around three. Later, her parents divorced, and Denise's mother, Denise and her brother returned to England when she was in her teens. She told me even then she knew she wanted to someday come back to America.

First Life Lesson – Don’t Let Anyone Have Complete Control of You

In her early twenties, Denise worked as am administrative assistant in a large organization. Denise is outgoing and quickly had office mates to chat with on her deliveries. Denise’s boss was not outgoing. In fact, even though their desks were virtually side by side, Denise’s boss would wait until Denise went home for the day to leave post-it notes regarding what she should do the next day! This was the typical form of communication. One day, her boss was sick. Denise had no post-its to work from so she did what she knew to do and was finished by 10:30 a.m. As Denise tells this part of the story a mischievous twinkle comes into her eyes. Denise sat down made a chain of post-it notes and then hung them off her nose. She then walked about the office. People laughed and asked her what she was doing. She told them she didn’t have anything to do because her post-it notes were blank. Everyone found it amusing but Denise may have been making a point to herself that day. She looked at me intently and said, “How controlling of her (referencing her boss). Imagine doing someone that way. I determined I would never let someone treat me that way again,” That job taught her a lesson regarding control and she learned it well.

Second Life Lesson- Own What You Do.

Denise began to work her way up the corporate ladder. Like a lot of us, she fell into her first career: Human Resources. Denise was good with people and she rose among the ranks. In her position in HR, she began to pass on to others another important life lesson she had learned. Any job, she told me, can be made your own; there is always some way to find a place in your current job to grow. All jobs have certain task requirements, but beyond duty descriptions there is a world of open interpretation that anyone can use to make a job their own. How you complete the task is up to you. Denise always found a way to do it faster which gave her what she really wanted: free time to follow her own interests. Denise also is a big believer in personal energy. What you put into something is what you get out.

Third Life Lesson-Decide What You Want and You’ll Start to See It Happen

Denise got the opportunity, or really she would say she made the opportunity to come to America. You see, that's a third thing she will tell you. Once you decide on something, things start to align to get you there. I believe in this as I've seen it in my own life.

Fourth Lesson-Know What’s Really Important To You and Then Don’t Compromise

Denise has actually come to America, gone back to England and returned again. To me this is so brave. I'm reluctant to move out of the city I've lived in most of my life. Denise crosses oceans. Along the way, she’s worked in different environments and with a lot of different people. One thing she knows has to be in her life: personal freedom. Denise describes it as “her little window.” She has successfully changed careers in Texas, her current home, and works as an independent agent in several areas. Those who work with her know if she takes an assignment, it will get done well but don’t try to schedule her week. Several times, employers have tried to insist that Denise is on-site full time. I really don’t blame them. I am sure a confident outgoing person like Denise is an asset. But Denise has held firmly to her time is her time. It ended one relationship but others were willing to work with Denise on her terms and it is a lesson to all of us. Today, Denise does interior decorating and relocation services for corporations. The work is varied and gives her opportunity to stretch her creative self. But most important of all for Denise, she owns her own time.

Denise, thank you for your generosity of time and sharing your Second Life journey.

Jann